In this season of severe weather and MAP testing....

For all of my teacher friends out there, here's a humorous addition to all of those pesky testing protocols we're supposed to follow, courtesy of our school counselor.

With the possibility of sever weather ahead of us I am forwarding you some additional test security protocol. Please read carefully, as you will be held accountable.

Severe Weather Testing Protocols During Testing*

1. Should a severe weather situation occur during testing,
please remain calm. To display any kind of anxiety would be
a testing irregularity and must be reported.

2. Please do not look out the window to watch for
approaching tornadoes. You must monitor the students at all
times. To do otherwise would be a testing irregularity and
must be reported.

3. Should students notice an approaching tornado and begin
to cry, please make every effort to protect their testing
materials from the flow of tears and sinus drainage.

4. Should a flying object come through your window during
testing, please make every effort to ensure that it does not
land on a testing booklet or an answer sheet. Please make
sure to soften the landing of the flying object so that it
will not disturb the students while testing.

5. Should shards of glass from a broken window come flying
into the room, have the students use their bodies to shield
their testing materials so that they will not be damaged.
Have plenty of gauze on hand to ensure that no one
accidentally bleeds on the answer documents. Damaged answer
sheets will not scan properly.

6. Should gale force winds ensue, please have everyone stuff
their test booklets and answer sheets into their
shirts...being very careful not to bend them because bent
answer documents will not scan properly.

7. If any student gets sucked into the vortex of the funnel
cloud, please make sure they mark at least one answer before
departing...and of course make sure they leave their answer
sheets and test booklets behind. You will have to account
for those.

8. Should a funnel cloud pick you, the test administrator,
up and take you flying over the rainbow, you will still be
required to account for all of your testing materials when
you land so please take extra precautions. Remember, once
you have checked them out, they should never leave your
hands.

9. When rescue workers arrive to dig you out of the rubble,
please make sure that they do not, at any time, look at or
handle the testing materials. Once you have been treated for
your injuries, you will still be responsible for checking
your materials back in. Search dogs will not be allowed to
sift through the rubble for lost tests...unless of course
they have been through standardized test training.

10. Please do not pray should a severe weather situation
arise. Your priority is to actively monitor the test and a
student might mark in the wrong section if you are praying
instead of monitoring. I'm sure God will put war, world
hunger, crime, and the presidential primaries on hold until
after testing is over. He knows how important this test is.