Out of my 103 students, I talked to 6 parents. There's some great parental devotion! Of course, the 6 parents I talked to were the ones I didn't need to talk to because their kids are good kids (yes, I do have some good kids) and are working hard to graduate from my class. Oh well, the ones I did need to talk to would tell me that their kids' problems are all my fault, or the school's fault, or last year's teacher's fault, or my personal favorite, their ex wife/husband's fault. I love the faulty gene pool rationale! But, having seen some of the exes, I generally have to agree. Here's a loveley scene from the city park I witnessed last Wednesday:
One of my students was at the park with his father. Dad had a long, long mullet, ala Achy Breaky Heart Billy Ray Cyrus circa 1992. Dad's clothing consisted of jeans that were shredded, (not because they can't afford them but because he still thinks the acid washed, shredded at the knees look is still "bitchin")and a wife beater. When I drove by, he was sitting on a bench, drinking a beer with the remaining six pack sitting beside him, eyeing the high school/middle school girls walking past while his kid was throwing rocks at the ducks in the pond. He returned reply note saying he couldn't come to parent teacher conferences that afternoon because he had to meet with his parole officer that afternoon and then his son had to meet with his (the son's) parole officer after that and he just couldn't make it to conferences. What he was doing the other 4 days is anybody's guess.
I'm not the only one who had fun at conferences. One of our parents showed up in her nightgown for conferences. This is not the kind of hot mom you want to see in her nightgown. She weighs approximately 450 lbs. is a chain smoker who smells like a stale ashtray, and I'm thinking she hasn't showered or shaved in quite a while. Now imagine that in a sheer, stained nightgown. In the words of Ron White, "Things that make you go buhhhh!" Another parent showed up with cans on their hands painted black with orange jack-o-lanterns on them and wouldn't take them off to shake the teacher's hands. A particularly crazed mom accused one of our teachers of "peeking through the crack in the bathroom stall at her son" even though the teacher is a female and to my knowledge sends in our principal to check on her male students when things get crazy in the bathrooms. And the winner in this year's annual Parent Teacher Conferences (aka Parade of Freaks) is the mom who showed up in a ripped up t-shirt, with no bra on, and one of the rips was right in the nipple area, so the teachers she talked to were given their own peep show. One of them likened it to the scene in the last Austin Powers movie where Fred Savage played the "mole" and had a very noticeable mole on his face. No one could look away from the mole and apparently, no one could look away from the nipple! I'm not making this stuff up and in the world of teaching, reality is WAY stranger than fiction!
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Boredom and Other Random Thoughts
I'm bored sitting here waiting at the futile task also known as Parent-Teacher Conferences. I'm required to put in 6 hours. No parents ever come to see me. Let's face it, the kids I work with, their parents should have been voted "Most Likely to Forget They've Spawned Satan's Seed" in High High School! I'm not kidding.
On a more fun note, I went to see an actual play last week, one that had professional actors, in a theater, and had a script that didn't come from a 5th grade Reader's Theater book! OH JOY AND ELATION! The play was "I Love You, You're Perfect, Now Change", a musical exploring the high and lows of love and relationships. I laughed til I hurt. I love good comedy, and this must have qualified because there was some lady a couple of rows up from us who kept snorting like a pig. If you make it to St. Louis before November 10th, it's at the Westport Playhouse and is worth the price of a ticket. There was this song, "Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Bride" that had me howling. Let's just say, it expressed every thought I've ever had about every wedding that I've had to be in, well, maybe with the exception of one or two. If you've been in a relationship, married, divorced, or watched all of your friends get married and have kids, you'll find something to relate to in this musical.
I'm glad fall has finally descended upon us. I'm loving the cooler temps and the opportunity to wear sweaters and sweatshirts. Now if we could just get some more rain, life would be good. I've managed to make it into the home stretch for my first semester of classes for my library science degree. I've counted three more assignments and a final that have to be finished by November 30th. If I can make it till then, and I manage to get all of them done, I'll have a breather before classes roll around again in January. Regardless of whether we want it to or not, time marches on!
On a gross note, if you like to gross out your children or the children of your siblings, Target has some lovely candy to purchase. My personal favorites included the suckers that look like severed human fingers, the Box of Boogers, and the gummy frog you disect(sp?) to get to the candy on the inside. You've got to love Halloween!!
On a more fun note, I went to see an actual play last week, one that had professional actors, in a theater, and had a script that didn't come from a 5th grade Reader's Theater book! OH JOY AND ELATION! The play was "I Love You, You're Perfect, Now Change", a musical exploring the high and lows of love and relationships. I laughed til I hurt. I love good comedy, and this must have qualified because there was some lady a couple of rows up from us who kept snorting like a pig. If you make it to St. Louis before November 10th, it's at the Westport Playhouse and is worth the price of a ticket. There was this song, "Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Bride" that had me howling. Let's just say, it expressed every thought I've ever had about every wedding that I've had to be in, well, maybe with the exception of one or two. If you've been in a relationship, married, divorced, or watched all of your friends get married and have kids, you'll find something to relate to in this musical.
I'm glad fall has finally descended upon us. I'm loving the cooler temps and the opportunity to wear sweaters and sweatshirts. Now if we could just get some more rain, life would be good. I've managed to make it into the home stretch for my first semester of classes for my library science degree. I've counted three more assignments and a final that have to be finished by November 30th. If I can make it till then, and I manage to get all of them done, I'll have a breather before classes roll around again in January. Regardless of whether we want it to or not, time marches on!
On a gross note, if you like to gross out your children or the children of your siblings, Target has some lovely candy to purchase. My personal favorites included the suckers that look like severed human fingers, the Box of Boogers, and the gummy frog you disect(sp?) to get to the candy on the inside. You've got to love Halloween!!
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Things I Do in My Sleep
Okay, don't be too scared by the title of this post. I promise it will remain reader friendly! As you all know, I've started my library science degree. To sum up my progress, I'll relate my experience from Thursday night. I had a midterm, a 20 question midterm, that took me 4 and a half hours to complete! This is one of the hardest things I have ever attempted in my life. The result of this is I'm just a wee bit stressed out. (Honestly, most of the time I feel like I'm rocking back and forth in a corner inside my mind!) Apparently, this stress is starting to manifest itself in strange sleep behavior. Here's three of my latest bizarre sleep escapades.
1. Apparently last week, Kenny heard some strange sounds coming from my bedroom late in the night/early morning. He thought something was wrong, so he came to check out the noise and see if I was sick, needed help, etc. Apparently I was wandering around my room. He said he asked me "Deb, what's going on?" and I didn't even respond. He watched me pace for a couple of more minutes, ala Children of the Corn or zombiesque, and he says I just abruptly walked back to my bed, crawled in, and that was it. I do remember having a dream about shelving books and looking for stuff, but I don't know if the dream is related to the sleepwalking.
2. This week, I fell asleep while watching TV and trying to organize notes for a paper. Kenny is a big fan of The Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson and if he doesn't have early morning meetings or need to be into the scout office early, he'll stay up and watch at least the monologue. According to Kenny, part of the monologue was about funny names. He started listing funny names of politicians, celebrities, etc. One of the names he mentioned was Boutros Boutros-Ghali. Again, according to Kenny, I sat up, yelled out "Boutros Boutros-Ghali! That's funny!" laughed for a few seconds, lay back down and was dead to the world. Again, I have no memory of this at all.
3. Again last week, Kenny came upstairs really late from the family room where he had been working on reports for work. It was about 1:30 am, I should have been in bed sound asleep. He noticed that there was a light coming from my bedroom. He again thought something might be wrong so he came in to check. I wasn't in my bed, I was sitting on the commode in my bathroom, in my pajamas, completely asleep. Keep in mind I wasn't going to the bathroom, I was completely dressed, and I was asleep sitting on the commode with the bathroom light on. He said my name, told me to go to bed, and I apparently got up on command and went back to bed. I didn't say anything, respond in any way, or even really look at him. I have no memory of this at all either, but I'm a little concerned about just doing whatever I'm told to do without question!
I'm pretty sure I'm creeping Kenny out. I think he's afraid that I'll try to cook a meal in my sleep and catch the house on fire, get turned around and fall down the basement stairs in my sleep, or get out of the house and wander around the neighborhood or into traffic in my pajamas. Either way, I know that I dream about work, doing homework, or other school related activities or house chore activities every night. As a result, I'm exhausted all the time. My brain never slows down and I'm a little creeped out myself about the sleepwalking stuff. I'm pretty sure this is a sign that I need a vacation. Bubble baths and relaxation candles don't seem to be doing the trick!
1. Apparently last week, Kenny heard some strange sounds coming from my bedroom late in the night/early morning. He thought something was wrong, so he came to check out the noise and see if I was sick, needed help, etc. Apparently I was wandering around my room. He said he asked me "Deb, what's going on?" and I didn't even respond. He watched me pace for a couple of more minutes, ala Children of the Corn or zombiesque, and he says I just abruptly walked back to my bed, crawled in, and that was it. I do remember having a dream about shelving books and looking for stuff, but I don't know if the dream is related to the sleepwalking.
2. This week, I fell asleep while watching TV and trying to organize notes for a paper. Kenny is a big fan of The Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson and if he doesn't have early morning meetings or need to be into the scout office early, he'll stay up and watch at least the monologue. According to Kenny, part of the monologue was about funny names. He started listing funny names of politicians, celebrities, etc. One of the names he mentioned was Boutros Boutros-Ghali. Again, according to Kenny, I sat up, yelled out "Boutros Boutros-Ghali! That's funny!" laughed for a few seconds, lay back down and was dead to the world. Again, I have no memory of this at all.
3. Again last week, Kenny came upstairs really late from the family room where he had been working on reports for work. It was about 1:30 am, I should have been in bed sound asleep. He noticed that there was a light coming from my bedroom. He again thought something might be wrong so he came in to check. I wasn't in my bed, I was sitting on the commode in my bathroom, in my pajamas, completely asleep. Keep in mind I wasn't going to the bathroom, I was completely dressed, and I was asleep sitting on the commode with the bathroom light on. He said my name, told me to go to bed, and I apparently got up on command and went back to bed. I didn't say anything, respond in any way, or even really look at him. I have no memory of this at all either, but I'm a little concerned about just doing whatever I'm told to do without question!
I'm pretty sure I'm creeping Kenny out. I think he's afraid that I'll try to cook a meal in my sleep and catch the house on fire, get turned around and fall down the basement stairs in my sleep, or get out of the house and wander around the neighborhood or into traffic in my pajamas. Either way, I know that I dream about work, doing homework, or other school related activities or house chore activities every night. As a result, I'm exhausted all the time. My brain never slows down and I'm a little creeped out myself about the sleepwalking stuff. I'm pretty sure this is a sign that I need a vacation. Bubble baths and relaxation candles don't seem to be doing the trick!
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