Fun Fall Roadtrips

This past weekend, Kenny and I decided to take a much needed road trip. We forgot the digital camera, so unfortunately there are no pictures to share. However, as usual, we always seem to encounter wonderfully stupid people and find ourselves in such exotic locals as Iowa. But I digress, so without further ado, here are the highlights.

We left Washington on Friday afternoon, hoping to make Quincy, IL before nightfall. Around Troy, we decided we were hungry and found a Burger King so we could purchase the lovely Italian Chicken Sandwich. We placed our order without any complications until we pulled forward to pay for our meal and obtain our food. The payment part was no problem. A very polite young lady took our money and gave us our change. Then she disappeared somewhere in the back of the restaurant. Meanwhile, we are patiently waiting in the drive through lane for our food. Approximately 5 minutes pass. She finally returns to the window, pops her head out and says, "Are you all waiting?" Kenny and I look at each other, then I'm sure we gave her a look that said, "Surely you can't be that stupid." In a strangled voice, Kenny told her that we were waiting. Then she wanted to know what we were waiting on, and we once again repeated the order. Then she said, "Did you guys pay yet?" Keep in mind that she was the one who took our money and we were the only customers at the restaurant, so it's not like she had 50 customers to wait on. Again, Kenny told her, slowly, "Yes, you took our money." We finally got the sandwiches and left without cracking up or making a mean "Here's your sign" joke ala Bill Engvall. However down the road, Kenny said he wanted to say, "No, we're just driving real slow." in response to "Are you waitin?"

We made it to Hannibal where we decided to stop and make some purchases from the Fresh Ayre pottery shop. While browsing in some of the other stores along the main street, we noticed that the Mississippi Queen was docked at the river front. Having not really paid much attention to the news lately, we didn't think anything about it until we were in one of the stores and this guy comes in looking really panicked and asked the sales lady if the Chamber of Commerce had called her yet? She told him she hadn't recieved any phone calls from the chamber. He told her, "Well, they're calling everyone telling them to disinfect anything the boat people touch because the ship has docked because they're all sick and throwing up!" They both turn and look at me and Kenny, to which we both yell, "We drove up in our car!" Deciding that with our luck, we'd catch whatever the cholera steam boat had carried into town, we quickly leave and as we're driving out of town, we see store owners everywhere armed with cans of Lysol spraying everything in sight.

We made it into Quincy with plenty of day light left. We had read an article about a month ago about scenic fall drives to take and it listed Quincy as a place to visit, due to it's six historic districts and approximately 2,000 homes/buildings of architectural and historical significance. Neither of us have ever visited Quincy, so our plan was to visit the visitor's center to pick up a city map and information about what to see. The visitor's center was closed. No problem, we decided to check into a hotel and then find somewhere to eat and make it back in time to catch the baseball game. We figured we could come back in the morning and pick up the info then in time to go exploring. After an exciting World Series win, we had a wonderful night's rest and breakfast. Heading out at 8:45 for the visitor's center, we hoped we would find the information we sought. No matter what time we tried to go to the visitor's center, it was always closed. Our hotel had no brochures or information about the historic buildings either. We drove around for a while, and saw some interesting buildings but since we weren't really sure where anything was, we decided to head out to Navoo and check out the restored Mormon settlement.

I assumed the restored Mormon settlement was run by the Illinois Conservation Department, much like historic sites in MO and other places around Illinois, such as the Old State Capital or New Salem. OH WRONG! This place, while very pretty and neat to visit due to it's historic nature, is completely run and staffed by Mormons and apparently the majority of visitors are Mormon. We have decided that Navoo is like Mormon Disneyland. Approximately 90% of the cars had Utah license plates. The elders and their wives were very nice, always answering any questions and were very friendly and welcoming. However, they kept asking us if we had found our ancestor's in the family and land records and as we were touring some of the buildings in the old settlement they kept talking to us about Mormon history and religion and asking us questions like we knew what they were talking about! Outside of what we learned about the Mormon exodus to Utah in some history classes, neither of us know the detailed history of the Mormon faith. We weren't really sure whether or not we should tell them we weren't Mormon, just keep our mouths shut and play dumb, or what to do. All of the people who worked there and all of the other visitors were Mormon and they automatically assumed that we were Mormon too. But as we had both had a deer in headlight look, you could kind of see some of the elders and other church members trying to figure us out. Basically we think they thought we were the worst Mormons they had ever met! As Kenny said, he now knows what non-Catholics must feel like when they go to Rome! However, if you're interested in history and historic preservation sites, this is a neat place to go. The rest of the town was apparently bought and settled by a French Icarian community when the Mormons decided to head west to Utah. So, on the west side of town, you have the restored Mormon settlement where all you can buy to drink is spring water or root beer. On the bluff heading into downtown Navoo, you have the Catholic Church and the restored Mormon Temple side by side, separated by an alley. On the east side of town, there is a Casey's and a winery. Kenny and I figured out that if you want to get hooch and caffiene, you have to head to the east side where all the French Catholics settled! Still, it's a neat place to visit.

After an afternoon of dodging religious questions that we had no idea about, we decided that we were hungry and quickly found out that Navoo only has two places to eat and nothing opens up until like 5:30 in the afternoon. We decided to venture into Keokuk and find food since it's really close to Navoo. We finally found food and drove around Keokuk, finding the statue of Chief Keokuk, which has his remains in the base, in a park overlooking the river. Keokuk is kind of a sad town. You can tell that it was once really prosperous, but it's kind of depressed now. We did find a lovely Catholic church, All Saints, which is on the national historic register, and attended Mass there. Since we were tired, we decided to spend the night in Keokuk. After checking in, we decided to go find supper and quickly realized that outside of fast food and a questionable looking Chinese restaurant, Keokuk has very little in the way of restaurants to choose from. We decided to venture on to Fort Madison where the information in our hotel room said that there was a casino. Neither of us like to gamble, but casinos typically have a buffet. Since Kenny is fond of buffets and I like to have a variety of vegetables to choose from, we figured this might be a nice change from a burger and fries. Once we got to Fort Madison, we couldn't find the casino. We finally stopped at a gas station and they told us that the casino was up in Burlington for six months. Northward to the buffet! We found the Catfish Bend Casino, and the best thing I can say is the rolls and the scalloped potatoes were good. Plus there is a Wendy's in Burlington, so I was able to purchase a Frosty which I haven't had in a long time since most of our Wendy's in the St. Louis area have closed.

On our way back to Keokuk, we saw the funniest sign of our trip. It was a large billboard advertising "Visit the Hellmart in Farmington, Iowa for all of your gift needs!" What a name for a gift store. On Sunday, we returned to Washington after enjoying another one of our nerds unite road trips!

In the spirit of road trips to find strange, weird, or just unique things to see, my friend Joe Glenn sent me a wonderful website for locating the many oddities and roadside attractions to see in every state! Good fun, it sucked up about an hour and a half of my evening last night. I'm now wanting to plan a trip to North Dakota, since they appear to have a large number of large homemade things like a giant turtle riding a snowmobile and people made out of bales of hay! Here it is for your time-wasting pleasure: www.roadsideamerica.com Enjoy!

Compromise

Wedding planning, much like marriage, is all about compromise, or so I hear (about the marriage part that is)! While Jen and my mom felt the dress I picked out was too casual, they did like the Alfred Angelo site, (thanks Brooke!). Here is the one Jen chose along with going for a darker color. Now comes the heinous measuring and fittings! Oh well, this is the last bridesmaid's dress I'm wearing, ever.

Being Mute

I have lost the ability to speak! This is day two of an unscheduled vacation due to some bug I have managed to pick up from the 110 rugrats that sneeze and cough on me regularly. On the plus side, I woke up this morning with only a very low fever, not the hallucinating kind that I've been experiencing for the past two days.

What I hate the most is missing school. I think this is a particular mindset of teachers. I know that I am replaceable, believeme, I sometimes think a trained monkey could get as much accomplished with the kids I work with as I can. What I hate most is the mess you come back to along with the snide comments from other teachers in the teachers lounge (lounge, right, I tend to call it the complaint department, but it has the best microwave in the building to heat up my lunch) which will go something like this, "Well, did you have a nice vacation?" I'm sorry, actually going to a beach and being warmed by the sun, cooling off in the waves is my idea of a vacation, not sleeping for two days, unable to breathe, smelling like Vicks vapor rub, feeling like my throat is on fire, and running a fever while experiencing the alternating joys of sweating and then having chills. Not my idea of a "vacation".

What finally pushed me over the edge was the faculty hayride. This annual event is always a fun time. I had not felt too chipper for most of last week, but I just kept eating cold medication and kept pushing. I woke up Saturday morning feeling pretty good, and decided to go on to the hayride that night since I had to bring the chili cheese dip. I went and had a good time, but I have a feeling it was just a little too chilly, even by the bonfire and my body decided to put the smack down and go, "That's it, you're going down!" I managed to make it to Mass the next morning, but I can't tell you much about that. Nothing like going to church while being out of your head! Some people would say it makes the whole experience less painful! Upon returning home, I went to bed, where I have been for the past two days. There is my exciting life. I wish a plague on all the rugrats and the makers of Lysol. I guess I got the one germ that missed the 99.9% germs killed! I'm going back to bed, I'm feeling kind of woozy.

Alternatives in Bridal Gear

Many thanks go out to Brooke for providing me with a link to another site for bridesmaids dresses. I have managed to pick out a much better dress than the one that was originally chosen. Keep in mind these are separates, so use that wonderful thing called imagination and put the two together.

In any case, I find these options more appropriate. Plus, I could actually see myself wearing the top again. Put it with a pair of black pants and it will work. Keep your fingers crossed that Jen will go for this outfit.

There have been more encounters with the store I originally went browsing in to check out the dress options. Our counselor at school, who generally tells it like it is in no uncertain terms, found out what had happened. She found out what I did and asked me when I was going to stop being so nice to people. I told her I guessed I would continue to be a doormat for stupid people for the forseeable future until I managed to develop a spine or finally went postal. Unbenownst to me, she went on an internet mission to find out the contact number of the store's headquarters. While she was unable to find any way to contact the store's headquarters, she was shocked to find numerous websites devoted solely to relating horror stories from people who had dealings with this chain. Still miffed about what had happened to me, she proceeded to call the store and talk to the manager, relating my unfortunate encounter with the sales bimbo. She came to tell me the manager wanted me to call so she could personally apologize. I told her I couldn't believe that she had called the store, that it wasn't that big of a deal, and that I figured the best way to get revenge was to not give them my business and discourage other potential patrons. She looked at me and said, "People have no right to treat you like that. If you continue to let people like that get away with bad behavior, they will continue to treat people poorly."

I just don't want some stupid girl to lose her job because she had a bad day. The sales bimbo was awfully young. Who knows, she may need this job. At the end of the day, the incident wasn't really that big of a deal. It was just another example of how rude and stupid people can be. While telling Kenny what the counselor had done and how I hoped the girl hadn't been fired because she was rude to me, he responded, "Quit making excuses for people who need to be held responsible for their behavior!" Would her getting reprimanded or even fired teach her a lesson. I doubt it. You can't fix stupid, well most of the time. Unfortunately, as comedien Ron White says , "Stupid is forever!", usually.

Another Bridesmaid Dress

Yes folks, here it is, another bridesmaid's dress that I will once again purchase and never wear again! Someone always assures you that you could shorten the skirt and it will be nice to wear for formal situations (like I attend so many formal functions)! Yeah, right! Be that as it may, take a look at this dress and then try to remember what I look like. For those of you who can't, rest assured that I definitely do not resemble the model. I might more accurately resemble a pale green, extremely large Nerf ball in this dress. Actually, I think the Nerf ball would be more attractive in this dress than I will be.

For those of you who are wondering, my brother and his fiance have officially set their wedding date for March 17th. I had never planned to be in another wedding, but Jen has this brilliant idea for my sister Carol, Jen's cousin, and me to be her bridesmaids. When she announced her plan this summer, Carol and I were gritting our teeth and agreeing to be in the wedding. I promptly began planning how I could step in front of a bus and end up in some cast to get out of being in the wedding. Heck, I don't even want to be in my own wedding, so why in the world would I want to be in this one! A look from my mother, even if I am over 21, can still instill the fear of God into me and I have resigned myself to trying to fit into this stupid dress and trying to hide as much as possible from the camera!

Without sounding too bitter, I must now relate the incident that occured when I followed Jen's suggestion to go look at possible bridesmaids dresses here at a national chain of bridal/formal stores here in St. Louis. They guarantee on their commercials that you'll love them, but I quickly found out that they love skinny people, not fat people! On a Saturday two weeks ago, I decided to go get this initial look over with and see what was available. Dressed in shorts (hello, it's Saturday and I have to dress up all week) I went into the store to have a look at the dresses. I quickly realized that nothing had sleeves. I decided to ask a sales lady if there were any dresses with sleeves available in the color Jen wanted. When I finally got the airheaded sales lady's attention, she acted quite put out that I was bothering her. I guess discussing the latest conquest she brought home the night before from some club was more important than answering a customer's question. Here is a paraphrased transcript of the conversation:

Sales bimbo: "Can I help you?" (bored inflection)
Me: "I have to be in my brother's wedding in the spring and his fiance wanted me to come look at the bridesmaids dresses? Do you have any dresses with sleeves?"
Sales bimbo: "Does she have a particular style of dress picked out?"
Me: "I have no idea. I assume that's why she wanted me to come look." At this point, I have figured out that I'll probably need to speak slowly to cut through her hangover and intelligence void.
Sales bimbo: "Well, I don't think we have the size you'll need to fit in any of our dresses."
Me: Complete and utter speechlessness. Imagine a deer in a headlights. Finally, I am able to respond "Okay."

At this point, I had a sudden vision of me snapping this skinny, blond, former cheerleader in half. Then I envisioned myself sitting on her and turning her into a grease spot of her former self. I decided that she wasn't worth going to jail over, so I ended up simply saying "Thank you." (for being insulted, mind you) and leaving the store. Once I reached my car, I quickly calculated the distance to Ted Drewe's and the comfort only frozen custard can provide. I ended up getting a diet soda instead since I was still smarting from the whole "We don't have your size" comment.

As I drove home with my tail between my legs and crying, I got to thinking about how you can never really escape the changing room in gym class because you encounter the same situation just cloaked in a different setting at various points in life. Think back to gym class. You always had to dress out. For the skinny girls, it was no big deal. For the rest of us with junk in the trunk and pulling a trailer, you tried to shrink as small as possible and change as quickly as possible. At some point in your PE career, one of the skinny bimbos in the class would make a snide comment about the size of your thighs, butt, arms, etc. or laugh at you and whisper to her friends. You were totally humiliated and wished the floor would open up and swallow you whole. That's how I felt after my encounter with the skinny saleslady in the wedding store with all of the dresses for the beautiful, skinny people. What's really sad is that even with all that I have accomplished, even though I know I am a person of worth and value, it still hurt my feelings. I would love to be one of those people who can come up with a really good response when encountering idiots like this person, but I don't think quick on my feet. Also, you don't want to stoop to their level of stupidity and hatefulness, but sometimes I wish that I had a tazer or cattle prod and could shock some sense into people!

I'll keep you posted on how the dress situation goes. I hate this dress, so I'm going to try to find an alternative. Maybe I can convince Jen to let us wear the same color and pick out different styles of dresses. I will definitely not return to the store from whence I was sent away in humiliation. If anyone has any suggestions about stores between St. Louis and Memphis that would be better to check out, I'd appreciate the information.

Going Home

This evening, I drove down to Malden to spend the weekend with my family. Basically, I drove down to bake and decorate Halloween cookies with my nephew, Robbie (aka "The Bobchuck"). While this may seem a bit early for Halloween activities, he has been wearing his bat costume for approximately 2 weeks now and has managed to talk my mom into decorating the house for Halloween. Apparently, it has also been decorated for 2 weeks as well. Isn't it amazing what your parents will do when they become grandparents! In the spirit of fairness, when my brother and I were younger, my parents were both teaching, so the idea of having tons of decorations was not on the top of their list. I now can completely sympathize with them, since I'm thinking I'll do well to buy candy for Halloween and then manage to put up a Christmas tree and decorate the apartment before the end of Christmas break. But it still amuses me to see all of the festive decorations!
Since moving away from Malden, I can now honestly say there are some things that make me feel nostalgic when I return. As I drove down tonight, I had the moonroof open on my car. Upon leaving Dexter and heading south on 25, I could smell the defoliant used on the cotton and could see the large, rectangular, white bales sitting in the fields due to a wonderfully bright full moon. The closer I drove to Malden, I could start to see the lights from the racetrack north of town and then, as I drove down Business 25 in town, I could see the lights on at the football field where the Friday night game was ending. The traffic leaving the ballgame is about the closest thing Malden can claim to having a traffic jam. For all 4 years of high school, I never missed a home game due to being in band, but oddly enough, I never paid much attention to the games. What I remember most is spending time with my friends. I learned no great love of football or even a great devotion to my alma mater, but I did learn the value of friendship. Now the things I remember most about the games were laughing at something one of our four band directors said, how Sebrina's hair could defy gravity and gale force winds, and Kevin's rendition of "The Little Mermaid on Crack".
It dawned on me tonight that once my parents are no longer here, what will there be to draw me back to this place? The friends I grew up with are gone, off to bigger towns where there are more jobs and better opportunities, less prejudices and expectations to live up to, or reputations to overcome. Once my family is gone, there will be no reason for me to return to this place. The sad reality is that my hometown is slowly dying. The Federal Mogul plant is shutting down at the end of this year. The school, while nice, is no longer in the same State classification that it was when I was in school. Promises of new industry and factories are just that, promises and empty ones at best. The reasons for the decline are many and depend on whom you talk to. The people I knew as a child are either moving away, or sadly, passing away. Things are no longer the same and it just drives home to me that time is passing, I'm growing older, and you really can't go home again. No one tells you how true that is when you leave for college. It's only when you try to return that you truly learn that lesson. Even when I returned to live in Malden and teach in the area for seven years, it wasn't home anymore. I never felt comfortable here after leaving. However, I miss seeing cotton fields when the bolls are opening. I miss the taste of a perfectly ripe watermelon bought from a roadside stand at the edge of a field. I miss the friends of my youth and regret that I didn't spend more time with them enjoying the fun and laughter they gave me, and I wish I had let them know how much they meant to me. We are all so busy now. We have scattered out over hundreds of miles and several states. Some I keep in touch with, others I have lost contact with and have no idea of where they are, and others I read about through their blogs. Our lives are now in other places besides here.
Do I dream of returning to live in my town? No, this is not the place where I want to retire. This is not the place where my life is, or probably will be, carried out. I don't want to raise my children here. I want to live in a place that is bigger, with more opportunities, more diversity, and more anonymity than is offered to you in a town where everyone knows everybody's business, public or private. Yet I miss the way the cottonfields look like snow in the light of a beautiful harvest moon.