Another Bridesmaid Dress

Yes folks, here it is, another bridesmaid's dress that I will once again purchase and never wear again! Someone always assures you that you could shorten the skirt and it will be nice to wear for formal situations (like I attend so many formal functions)! Yeah, right! Be that as it may, take a look at this dress and then try to remember what I look like. For those of you who can't, rest assured that I definitely do not resemble the model. I might more accurately resemble a pale green, extremely large Nerf ball in this dress. Actually, I think the Nerf ball would be more attractive in this dress than I will be.

For those of you who are wondering, my brother and his fiance have officially set their wedding date for March 17th. I had never planned to be in another wedding, but Jen has this brilliant idea for my sister Carol, Jen's cousin, and me to be her bridesmaids. When she announced her plan this summer, Carol and I were gritting our teeth and agreeing to be in the wedding. I promptly began planning how I could step in front of a bus and end up in some cast to get out of being in the wedding. Heck, I don't even want to be in my own wedding, so why in the world would I want to be in this one! A look from my mother, even if I am over 21, can still instill the fear of God into me and I have resigned myself to trying to fit into this stupid dress and trying to hide as much as possible from the camera!

Without sounding too bitter, I must now relate the incident that occured when I followed Jen's suggestion to go look at possible bridesmaids dresses here at a national chain of bridal/formal stores here in St. Louis. They guarantee on their commercials that you'll love them, but I quickly found out that they love skinny people, not fat people! On a Saturday two weeks ago, I decided to go get this initial look over with and see what was available. Dressed in shorts (hello, it's Saturday and I have to dress up all week) I went into the store to have a look at the dresses. I quickly realized that nothing had sleeves. I decided to ask a sales lady if there were any dresses with sleeves available in the color Jen wanted. When I finally got the airheaded sales lady's attention, she acted quite put out that I was bothering her. I guess discussing the latest conquest she brought home the night before from some club was more important than answering a customer's question. Here is a paraphrased transcript of the conversation:

Sales bimbo: "Can I help you?" (bored inflection)
Me: "I have to be in my brother's wedding in the spring and his fiance wanted me to come look at the bridesmaids dresses? Do you have any dresses with sleeves?"
Sales bimbo: "Does she have a particular style of dress picked out?"
Me: "I have no idea. I assume that's why she wanted me to come look." At this point, I have figured out that I'll probably need to speak slowly to cut through her hangover and intelligence void.
Sales bimbo: "Well, I don't think we have the size you'll need to fit in any of our dresses."
Me: Complete and utter speechlessness. Imagine a deer in a headlights. Finally, I am able to respond "Okay."

At this point, I had a sudden vision of me snapping this skinny, blond, former cheerleader in half. Then I envisioned myself sitting on her and turning her into a grease spot of her former self. I decided that she wasn't worth going to jail over, so I ended up simply saying "Thank you." (for being insulted, mind you) and leaving the store. Once I reached my car, I quickly calculated the distance to Ted Drewe's and the comfort only frozen custard can provide. I ended up getting a diet soda instead since I was still smarting from the whole "We don't have your size" comment.

As I drove home with my tail between my legs and crying, I got to thinking about how you can never really escape the changing room in gym class because you encounter the same situation just cloaked in a different setting at various points in life. Think back to gym class. You always had to dress out. For the skinny girls, it was no big deal. For the rest of us with junk in the trunk and pulling a trailer, you tried to shrink as small as possible and change as quickly as possible. At some point in your PE career, one of the skinny bimbos in the class would make a snide comment about the size of your thighs, butt, arms, etc. or laugh at you and whisper to her friends. You were totally humiliated and wished the floor would open up and swallow you whole. That's how I felt after my encounter with the skinny saleslady in the wedding store with all of the dresses for the beautiful, skinny people. What's really sad is that even with all that I have accomplished, even though I know I am a person of worth and value, it still hurt my feelings. I would love to be one of those people who can come up with a really good response when encountering idiots like this person, but I don't think quick on my feet. Also, you don't want to stoop to their level of stupidity and hatefulness, but sometimes I wish that I had a tazer or cattle prod and could shock some sense into people!

I'll keep you posted on how the dress situation goes. I hate this dress, so I'm going to try to find an alternative. Maybe I can convince Jen to let us wear the same color and pick out different styles of dresses. I will definitely not return to the store from whence I was sent away in humiliation. If anyone has any suggestions about stores between St. Louis and Memphis that would be better to check out, I'd appreciate the information.