Funny Times

Here are some funny stories from my messed up life that you will enjoy.

On Thursday, one of my students sneezed in class. While this is no big deal,
this kid has ISSUES! His issues are so large that he has an aid, Mrs. K, who must accompany him to all of his classes because you never know when he's going to toonce out. All of a
sudden I hear him holler out, "Mrs. K, I need to go to the nurse!",
(read with a mildly retarded voice and inflection) to which she replies,
"You don't need to go to the nurse, you're not sick." Then he
drops the bomb, literaly, when he yells, "But when I sneezed, I CRAPPED my
pants." Now, imagine 14 other kids and me in my special reading class with
looks of panic, disgust, and fear for what's going to happen when he
stands up all over our faces. This is the caliber of students I have in my
program this year, and I'm supposed to have them reading on grade level by
the end of the year. Right, and I'll be a thin, world-famous super model by
Christmas. Needless to say, I am going today and investing in large
quantities of Lysol wipes, sprays, cleaners, and air freshners,etc. Heck, I
may even get one of those candle warmer things and plug it in all the time!

On a more fun note, Kenny and I got to go to the Crosby, Stills, Nash, and
Young concert here at Riverport/UMB Bank pavillion on Thursday night. Just
for point of reference, this was Kenny's first rock concert. The concert
was great, they sounded just they do on their records, and they played from
7:30 until 11:00, so it was time and money well spent. Here's where it gets
amusing. First, about 50 people walked out of the concert, I guess because
they were offended by the political songs/comments/images. My thought was
what did they expect from an anti-war group from the 60's whose concert tour
is called "Freedom of Speech 06". While you may not agree with their
politics, you should know they have no problem speaking their mind and do so
freely, so why people were shocked, I'll never know. On the positive side,
they were very pro-veteran, (from all wars: Vietnam, Gulf War I, and the
current one), but were questioning some decisions that have been made in
recent years and the reasons we were given for those decisions.

But here's where it gets funny. Let's just say there was a very strange smelling,
thick cloud hanging over the crowd. Kenny goes, "What's that smell and all
of that smoke?", to which I reply, "Don't worry about it, just breathe
deep!" Some of these people at the concert looked like they hadn't left the
commune since about 1968. Great for people watching if that's your thing,
even better if you enjoy watching drunk/stoned people your parents' age. At
intermission, I decided to spend an outrageous amount of money and buy a
soda which would cost me 89 cents at McDonalds. There was a lady, about 65
or so, who was walking in front of me. All of a sudded she stops and yells
out, "I smell REALLY GOOD WEED!" and takes off in the direction the cloud
which wafted over toward us. And the older generation complains about the
younger generation's drug problem.

When the concert was over, Kenny and I made it back to our car with no problem, since we had paid attention to the little parking flag in our row and we weren't stoned out of our minds.
However, many of the older concert goers were stumbling around hitting the
buttons on their keypads trying to find their cars. Horns were going off,
lights were flashing, trunks were flying up all around us. The best part
was when a guy who looked like Cheech and Chong's love child walks by our
car and says, "Dude, where's my car?" Good times, good times!

Hope all is well with you all. Enjoy the great weekend weather.